Monday, May 11, 2009

2 weeks left and.....

I go home in exactly 2 weeks.

I don't know if I'm ready for it...

It's starting to hit me how weird it's going to feel for a while. That's not to say that I want to be here longer or that I don't want to be home- I do- but I know that deep down, I'm a little different now. And everyone else will be too.

I've had nightmares for the past couple of nights about my family, about being home, and although the true cause of these is probably my lack of sleep, I think part of it is my worry that I've idealized home so much, it won't feel right when I finally get back.

I'm sure these are all gross exaggerations, but so much has happened.

I thought I was starting to pile up regrets recently- like not being able to see Italy or any of the other numerous places in Europe and surrounding areas that I've thought about visiting. But the truth is, I don't really care anymore. I miss people. Places are generally stagnant, but in these 5 months, my baby sister has grown taller than me, all the little ones are developing into bright, not-so-little adolescents and one of my favorite cousins is getting married. All the while, I am here, missing all of it. And so, I don't really care that I won't get to see more ancient ruins, extravagant palaces, etc. that I can't fully comprehend anyway. All of this would have meant so much more if I had been able to share it with the people I love.

I am excited to be home soon, I just hope things won't be too different. Because I'm tired of being an outsider.